u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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