This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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