He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
