your thong is hanging out like whoa
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just saw a hot homeless man
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
