There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
