Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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