God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
