new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I am midnight drunk by noon
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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