I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
