Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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