and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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