I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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