Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
