Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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