Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
