the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize