i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
