It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
