This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
