i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
