he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize