is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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