I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
