Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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