I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
