he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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