but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
