We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
