That's when you crack a 10am beer
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
