My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
