oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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