$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
