Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
