2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
