I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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