She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
