she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
