I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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