but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
3pm strippers are depressing
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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