Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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