she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
