the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
