I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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