I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
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