So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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