she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
