You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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