Don't make out with my wife yet
i think i have two assholes
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
