i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
