I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
