I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
