Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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