it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
