Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
