Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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