So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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