i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
