yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
