He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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